


i just want To Make You Happy

by LostBerryQueen



Category: His Dark Materials (TV), His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:28:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21837499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostBerryQueen/pseuds/LostBerryQueen
Summary: Sister Clara was more involved with the creation of Bolvanger than she is given credit for.
Relationships: Marisa Coulter/Sister Clara
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	i just want To Make You Happy

Mrs. Coulter was touring nunneries, giving sermons on sin, shame, and regret. It was a distasteful job really, but if anyone could do it well, it was her. 

Sister Clara approached her after it was over. She couldn’t meet her eyes. “Mrs. Coulter, I have sinned.” 

Mrs. Coulter placed a hand on her shoulder. “We all have sinned,” she said soothingly. “Would you like to confess?” 

Sister Clara nodded frantically. 

“Come,” Mrs. Coulter said, placing an arm around her shoulders. “Let’s go somewhere private.” 

The guest room Mrs. Coulter had been given for her stay was small, but little touches brightened the place considerably. The flowers on the small table, the brown curtains that had been replaced with white cloth which let the light in and made the room glow. 

Mrs. Coulter guided Sister Clara to a chair. “Sit.” 

Sister Clara waited, obedient and still as Mrs. Coulter made tea. 

“Now, tell me all about those sins,” Mrs. Coulter said with an indulging smile. 

Sister Clara’s throat had gone incredibly dry, so she took a sip of tea. She gasped as she burned her tongue. 

Mrs. Coulter laughed. “I guess we all need a taste of the fire on occasion, to remind us where we’re headed.” 

Sister Clara set the tea down hastily. “Oh no, Mrs. Coulter. I want to escape my sins, you see. Or, keep myself from sinning. All I want is to be someone pure, that the Authority can be proud of.” She lifted her head a little as she said this. 

Mrs. Coulter observed her with amusement, her sharp eyes catching and analyzing every little gesture Sister Clara made. 

Mrs. Coulter leaned forward and took Sister Clara’s hand. Sister Clara gasped. Mrs. Coulter stroked her thumb across the hand lightly, and Sister Clara closed her eyes and a small helpless moan rose in her throat. 

“Some sins live deeper inside of us than others,” Mrs. Coulter said. 

“Mine do,” Sister Clara said, and a tear ran down her face. 

“Oh, don’t cry,” Mrs. Coulter whispered, reaching up to wipe the tear away. 

Sister Clara shuddered as Mrs. Coulter touched her face, ever so softly. 

“The Authority recognizes devotion,” Mrs. Coulter said. “And the willingness to change. There are treatments in development, which may be able to cure any number of sins.” 

“Treatments?” Sister Clara’s eyes opened. 

“Yes,” Mrs. Coulter breathed. 

Sister Clara looked away. “I doubt they would work on me. I’ve tried everything, but these sinful thoughts keep returning. And today, when you were speaking...” 

“Yes? It is important to say sins out loud, to recognize them verbally makes it—” 

“I had sinful thoughts about you!” Sister Clara buried her face in her hands and sobbed in shame. 

Mrs. Coulter leaned back in her chair, a satisfied predatory smile on her lips, eyes glinting. The golden monkey inched closer to the table, closer to Sister Clara’s daemon. 

Mrs. Coulter stood over the sobbing Sister Clara. She pulled her into an embrace so that her head was pressed against her stomach. She stroked Sister Clara’s hair in boredom and shushed her, until finally the young nun calmed. 

“How old are you, my dear?” 

“Twenty.” 

“Well, that’s not so old, is it? In fact, I was around your age when I committed one of my greatest sins, and I assure you I have made a full recovery.” 

Mrs. Coulter took Sister Clara’s face in her hands, leaned down and kissed her. For an instant, Sister Clara was frozen with the shock and pleasure of it all. Then she regained her senses and fought to get away. 

“Stop! What are you doing?! It’s wrong, sinful!” 

“Shh,” Mrs. Coulter ran her finger over Sister Clara’s bottom lip. “This is simply a diagnostic test. I need to determine where the sin is located. Relax...” 

Mrs. Coulter kissed her again and Sister Clara struggled a little then went limp when Mrs. Coulter bit Sister Clara’s lip, drawing blood. 

“Look,” Mrs. Coulter said, tilting Sister Clara’s head towards their daemons. 

Nicholas, was licking the golden monkey's face, wagging his tail and whining. 

“Even as you resist sin, your daemon seeks it.” Mrs. Coulter loosened her grip on Sister Clara’s hair and let her go. 

Sister Clara was breathing heavily. “But Nicholas is me,” Sister Clara said, staring up at Mrs. Coulter with a frown. 

Mrs. Coulter smirked. “He is a part of you, and, in this case, he is the part of you where your sin lives.” 

“I don’t understand,” Sister Clara was sullen, angry. 

Mrs. Coulter smiled and blinked at her kindly. “You will, if you wish to. As I have said there are treatments being developed—by me. They are experimental of course, but with an illness like yours, I’m afraid that’s all that can be hoped for at the moment. If we are successful, we will change the world. Free, countless others, like you.” 

Sister Clara’s lips twitched and she looked as though she were fighting tears, fighting everything inside of her. Nicolas jumped onto her lap. 

“I would like to be free,” Sister Clara said. 

“Then will you accept my invitation to join me, travel with me, and discover a way out of this sin?” 

“If-if that would make you happy, then yes. I-I would like that.” 

“We may have to go to unpleasant places, do unpleasant things. It will be for the good of all. Are you prepared?” 

“If I’m with you, Mrs. Coulter, I know that I will be. I-I think being with you is...the best place I could possibly be.” 


End file.
